Four nuns were standing in line at the gates of heaven.
Peter asks the first if she has ever sinned.
"Well, once I looked at a man's penis," she said.
"Put some of this holy water on your eyes and you may enter heaven," Peter told her.
Peter then asked the second nun if shehad ever sinned.
"Well, once I held a man's penis," she replied.
"Put your hand in this holy water and you may enter heaven," he said.
Just then the fourth nun pushed ahead of the third nun.
Peter asked her, "Why did you push ahead in line?"
She said, "Because I want to gargle before she sits in it!"
Two Irish lads had been out shacking
up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop
at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have sinned.
I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me." The Father said, "Tell me who the lady
was." The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did.
"Was it Mollie O'Grady?" asked the Father." "No." "Was it Rosie Kelly?" "No." "Was it that red-headed
wench Tessie O'Malley?" "No." "Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven." When the lad met
his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness." "No," said the other, "but I picked up
three good prospects!"