O'Connell was staggering
home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily.
Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.
"Please, God," he implored, "let it be blood!"
An Engilshman, a Scotsman
and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness one day.
After being served a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck in the creamy heads.
The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order another pint.
The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded to drink his pint as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint shouting
"SPIT IT OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!"
Q. What does an Irishman
get after eating Italian food?
A. Gaelic breath.
Where does an Irishman go
To a different bar.
Q: Why are there so few Irish
A: The majority of them can't pass the bar!
What do you call the man
In the middle of a thousand Irishmen???
A cop pulls up two Irish
drunks, and says to the first, "What's your name and
"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address."
The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question.
"I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."
An Irishman walks out
of a pub, stumbling back and forth with a key in
A cop on the beat sees him
and approaches, "Can I help you lad?"
"Yesh, Shombody shtole me car!", the Irishman replies.
The cop asks, "Well
now, where was your car last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of
About this time the
cop looks down to see that the Irishman's member is being exhibited
for all to see. He then asks, "Are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The Irishman looks down woefully and moans "OOH GOD... they got me girl too!"