Little Johnny was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven  first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God. The teacher praises the little girl, as a little boy raised his hand.

The little boy says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love. "Very
 good" said the teacher.

The teacher looked up and saw Little Johnny's hand up. "Oh no", she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Johnny, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?" Little Johnny thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"
 


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A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said.
The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait!"
 


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A child will not spill on a dirty floor.

              A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first, the chicken
              or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.

              A young child is a noise with dirt on it.

              A youth becomes a man when the marks he wants to leave on the world have nothing to do with tires.

              An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.

              Celibacy is not hereditary.

              Familiarity breeds children.

              For adult education, nothing beats children.

              God invented mothers because he couldn't be everywhere at once and God invented guilt so mothers could be everywhere at once.

              Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.

              Having children will turn you into your parents.

              If a child looks like his father, that's heredity; if he looks like a neighbor, that's
              environment.

              If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.

              Ill-bred children always display their pest manners.

              Insanity is inherited; you get it from your kids.

              It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.

              It rarely occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their
              parents.

              Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

              Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - actually from Erma
              Bombeck

              One child is often not enough, but two children can be far too many.

              Summer vacation is a time when parents realize that teachers are grossly underpaid.

              The best thing to spend on your children is time.

              The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume knob also turns to the left.

              There are three ways to get things done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or forbid
              your kids to do it.

              You can learn many things from children...like how much patience you have.